You may have been thinking about divorce for a long time. You may have talked it over with a trusted person such as a friend or a clergy person or been through marriage counseling. You can learn about the complications involved in divorce by talking it over with any attorney, but now it comes down to the simple question: how do you tell her you want a divorce? It is one of the hardest things you can do in a relationship and it is important to remember a few things to minimize the damage for both you and your children.
Do Not Surprise Her
If you have been in marriage counseling with your wife, she may know your feelings towards the relationship. She may share these feelings and may be expecting the “divorce” talk. However, if she believes you are working things out, and has no idea that you are planning to ask for a divorce, the announcement may come as a massive shock and blindside her. This may cause her to become very angry and to suffer from grief which may slow down the transition to single life for her.
Think About It First
If you have not told your spouse about your intention to ask for divorce it is important to think about how you will approach the subject. It is not usually wise to “pop the question” and see what happens after that. Think of a well-planned strategy of what you want to say. Collecting reasons why you do not believe the marriage is working is important, as it is likely your spouse will have questions. You need to be able to explain your reasons for wanting a divorce when you tell your spouse.
Timing Is Important
Pick a suitable time to tell your spouse. This means not giving her the news in front of others or while she is at work. You may want to talk just before the weekend or when her schedule is free so that she will have time to process the information. Find a quiet moment when you know you are both level-headed and say what you want to say calmly and in a direct way to get your message across as quickly as possible. Avoid trying to blame her directly for you wanting to divorce her; this is simply a time to give the facts. You can discuss more at a later time if you both feel it is necessary.
Stay Safe and Serious
If you believe your wife will react in an extreme manner, you may wish to enlist outside help. This is particularly true if your spouse has a history of violent behavior. In addition, you must be serious about the decision. Never use divorce as an idle threat.
The Men’s Legal Center knows that deciding to divorce is tough. We can offer our years of experience to guide you through the complex process with expert knowledge and careful planning. Contact us now for a consultation if you have questions about divorce.