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What To Do If You Find Out Your Spouse Has Cheated on You

Family law

No one wants to think their spouse is cheating on them. Whether you decide to re-commit to your marriage for the long haul or begin shopping for the best divorce attorney you can find, just know that it may be a while before life again feels normal. While there’s no prescribed right way to react to the news that your spouse has been fooling around, we’re going to provide a few pointers that will hopefully help you start off on the right footing.

  1. Make Sure You Have the Facts Straight
    This is not the time for hasty decisions. Take the time to cool off so that you can think more clearly. Devote the time necessary for you and your spouse to clearly and calmly discuss the situation, including what led to your spouse cheating in the first place.
  2. Separate Any Feelings of Responsibility for the Infidelity
    No matter what led to your spouse’s cheating, remember that you are not to blame for it. It doesn’t matter how long both of you had been drifting apart or how healthy your sex life is together, your spouse’s decision to cheat was a decision of her own.
  3. Take Care of Yourself
    If you find that your spouse has been cheating, chances are that your emotions are going to be running amok for the foreseeable future. Whether you realize it or not, you’re going to need some alone time to sort things through. Take however long you desire. If you’re inclined to do so, reach out to your friends for their comfort and advice. Tell your spouse you’ll be back in touch when you’ve had enough time to sort things through. Be selfish with your happiness at this time.
  4. Make Your Decision
    Only after having the time to sort things mentally are you in any way ready to make a decision. During this time, you need to ask yourself if your spouse’s cheating was the final straw or something that can be worked through together. Only you can answer that question.

If you decide to stay, realize that your spouse will need to change for things to work out. Couples counseling can be a great next step for you and your spouse at this stage.

If you decide to go, remember to do it with dignity. Leave all thoughts of hurting your spouse behind; there’s nothing to be gained from that. Remember that here in California, we are a “no-fault state.” This means that your spouse’s affair will have no bearing on the process of your divorce.

If you’ve been cheated on and need advice on what to do next, the experienced family law attorneys with Men’s Legal Center in San Diego can help you.