For most men, confronting a former spouse about bad behavior is a recipe for disaster, particularly if the spouse is trying to lure the husband into an incriminating situation for personal gain and sympathy with the divorce court. While it may not be fair, the fact is that most men are bigger and stronger than women and the average person sympathizes with the wife when she is being yelled at by her husband, rather than the other way around. Therefore, the simple answer to the question, “Is confronting your ex a good idea?” is usually “No.”
However, that does not mean that you have to put up with bad or abusive behavior on the part of your former spouse. Your attorney is an excellent resource for communication with your former partner because your attorney can keep things on a business level without bringing emotion into the situation. Your attorney also understands the legal implications of making certain statements or taking certain actions, which may not be the case if you try to handle things yourself.
When Should I Confront My Spouse?
If you have discovered that your former spouse is cheating, has spent a great deal of money secretly or is drinking or using drugs, it is almost impossible not to speak up. Most men have at least one confrontation before deciding to leave a spouse, so it is normal for you to have argued with her at some point in the past. However, once one of you leaves home and move forward with the idea of a divorce, it is time to stop confrontation and begin negotiation.
This may be hard to do, particularly if you are the injured party. Many men believe that if they can just talk things out with their spouses they can resolve the situation. This may be true in some cases, but in others it just makes matters worse.
The important thing to remember is that like it or not, your spouse is an adversary once the divorce is filed, at least in a legal sense. It is best to allow your attorney to handle all negotiations. Avoid contact as much as possible, and certainly avoid discussions of what is “right” or “fair” in terms of property settlement or custody. These conversations can have a way of backfiring on you.
For more information on how to handle a divorce case, contact the Men’s Legal Center.
