We’ve spoken numerous times on this site about just how tough divorce can be on children. Breaking the news to them that you and your spouse are parting ways is not an easy thing to do – nor should it be. In this article, we’ll discuss a few strategies you can use that can ease some of the pain.
This Is Not Your Fault
Repeat that phrase over and over to your children as you and your spouse share the news of divorce. While self-blame is a natural tendency of children, this time should be all about building them up and reassuring them of your undying love for them. There’s no need to get into details about the actual reason(s) for the divorce; priority number one at this stage is their well-being.
Do it Together
Even though you and your spouse have decided to part ways, your children need for you stay unified as parents –through the divorce process and beyond – especially when they first hear news of the breakup. It’s important that you both appear in agreement not only with the decision to divorce but with any transitions that will occur afterwards.
Never, EVER Place Blame
Even though you and your spouse may not be each other’s favorite person at the moment, the two of you are the most trusted people in the lives of your children. They do not need to know any of the gory details or reasons for the divorce. You are an extension of them, just as is your spouse. Any bad thoughts about your spouse should be kept to yourself.
Make the Future Known
Chances are better than average that your child’s mind will be spinning when news of your divorce is heard. You and your spouse can clear the confusion by explaining to your children what they can expect as far as living arrangements are concerned. It’s important, though, to stay true to whatever arrangements you share with your children. Doing so can go a long way to easing any anxieties they may experience.
If you’re considering divorce or are already in the process and want to make a game plan on how to proceed, we’d be happy to talk with you. Contact the San Diego offices of Men’s Legal Center at (619) 234-3838.